Life in the Single Lane: Finding Joy in the Journey of Singlehood by Anita Komukama demystifies the myths of singleness while advocating for single men and women to find joy in the single lane. Simply put, the author emphasizes that there is nothing wrong with being single.
Anita uses six life stories alongside her own to weave a concrete tale about life in the single lane. The struggles and pressures they face.
In Time is of the essence, we see Saana who proposes to a man because she is 35 and he is 40 and the parents are mounting pressure on both parties to settle down. She pays for the traditional wedding to make things easy for the man. Her family is happy because finally, their daughter is settling down. Through Saana`s story, Anita dissects the famous you are getting old and need a partner asap syndrome. What does it profit a man or woman to get a partner without any serious consideration of what he/she desires?
The Secret Life of A Splintered tackles the notion, `mental illness has no face’. One might have it all but still, be in a dark place mentally. Anita recommends that while single, start doing the hard work. Dig up the trauma with the help of a counsellor or therapist. You need to be well for yourself not just so you get a partner. Your mental well-being is important and ought to be worked on. Do not think that getting married will solve your issues. It will not. The lady in the story seeks help after a breakdown and later seeks to do a personal development course.
In Weighting it all Out, twins Opio and Acen are both unmarried and mum dearest wants to know why? Acen has been dating her boyfriend for a year and a half but no wedding bells. Why? Opio is said to be single because he is `picky.’ I realised that people always want to explain why they think one is single. It must be because she has high standards, is an overachiever’, over-thinker, picky, assertive, high standards. The list is endless. But be sure there are reasons for both men’s and women`s singleness. The author advocates for weighting it all, why do you want to get married? Why do you want to get married to that particular Miss or Mr? Have you weighed all your pros and cons before committing to another human being?
In Putting Yourself Out There, Denis, a 40-year successful corporate guy, has it all: a car, successful job, company, values, looks except a wife. His best friend, Duncan advises him to put himself out there to find a lady to marry. I have been told time and again that I need to put myself out there. I wondered where `out there’ meant. Is it a place that has men of marriageable stature waiting for single ladies to marry? Anita breaks down what getting yourself out there means and what it does not mean.
Each story highlights an aspect of life in the single lane. Ranging from societal pressure, mental illness, biological clock, putting yourself out there and so much more. Each chapter ends with reflective notes and a call to action. Questions that will get you in a self-awareness mode.
The book answers questions that single and unmarried people have while reminding them to be calm, relax and enjoy the season they are in.
As a 30-year-old, I related to the stories not because I have experienced all the pressure talked about. But because I too have my pressure tales: the why aren`t you married yet? My sister got married last year and I was thanked for allowing her to get married before me! Then the sighs, eh your friend is married and you aren`t? The oba you speak too much English?? The desire to shrink me and settle for what I don`t want due to marriage pressure was real.
The author admonishes the reader to find joy in being single. Joy takes on different shapes from person to person. For example travel, singing, dancing, reading, hiking, the pursuit of a career, buying a car or that reading couch, therapy, drawing. The list is endless. Live in the moment and stop trying to get yourself hitched to every man or woman that comes your way. Surrender your life to God and trust Him. He has good plans for you.
What reasons have you been given for being single? I am curious to hear what the men have been told.😅